Greetings Sisters and Brothers in Christ!
Some of you have read all of the past twenty nine posts I have made. You know how bad it was in the beginning and how I have stepped out in complete Faith and Service to God. I have made some huge changes in my live and have grown immensely Spiritually.
However, you have also seen that it has not been an easy journey. Six weeks after I moved here, I was hospitalized for almost a week with cellulitis. A home health care nurse had to come out three times a week to help me clean my wound for two more months after my discharge from the hospital. The Department of Education/The Department of Revenue erroneously double dipped into my meager Social Security Disability Check leaving me with only $600.00 monthly income for the first five months I was here. It took five months to get approved for food stamps. In February you remember that due to unmitigated ice build up onto the sidewalk, I fell and received a concussion, my right pinky finger was holding on only by the skin, my back was hurt, and I got several scrapes and bruises. No attorney in town will help me. Five and a half months later I required additional surgery on my pinky finger and carpal tunnel repair. Two weeks after the surgery, I fell again on a patio brick which had a twelve inch rut under it and when I stepped on it. I went down falling on the very hand that has been disabled for six months! Although the property owners had previously repaired the brick situation twice before, I was told that it was my fault! They have labeled me a troublemaker and a scammer. At the Thursday morning co-ed Bible class I was attending, I requested Prayer because of all the additional expenses I have incurred from the falls, etc. At least one person from that group ran in to the property manager's office telling her that I was asking for money! The hateful property manager promptly placed a sign right over my mailbox stating:
TO MY DEAR RESIDENTS:
WE ALL LIVE IN FIXED INCOMES AND HAVE TO PAY OUR BILLS, FOOD AND MEDICINE AND PAY OUR RENT.
There are some scams going around the park. Don't believe all you hear. Some people will try their best to make you believe they need your money.
Take care of yourself, this does not make you a person that is in the wrong or a bad person.
Some scams have been going on for a long time and we have tried to keep you all in touch with the ones that are currently going on.
BE CAREFUL OF WHO GETS YOUR MONEY! (verbatim)
This is the kind of "Christian" who is in every church in this world today.
So, remember that I mentioned I and my daughter had also joined a Women's Prayer group on Friday mornings? Well, the "God inspired" facilitator was insistently pushing a very reserved woman to facilitate the next study segment. Somehow my 27 year old daughter got stuck with the task. It required organizing lessons into weekly subjects and copying and collating 8 to 12 pages from a workbook for seven participants. We're talking $8-$10 a week in copying expense! They know we are so broke we can't even afford gas money! The reserved woman copied/collated/paid for the first week and gave us some money which paid for the second week's lesson and most of the third. I called the facilitator to ask if she had a copier which would copy from a book. She said yes. When I explained the cost situation to her, she agreed to make the copies this week. I was at the store when she arrived at my home to pick up the workbook and my daughter had the misfortune of greeting her. Whereupon she immediately lit into my daughter saying that she "should plan better", she "should know the cost of building a house" (or in this case starting a project/assuming a responsibility) which she could not fulfill. She told my daughter that she could "back it up with scripture". Then she had the audacity to ask my daughter how much this was going her. Really? She just told me on the phone that she had her own copier which would do the job! That coming from the same woman who thrust an unrequested task on an impoverished young woman! We even stated during the first lesson that we did not have the financial means to make these copies. The woman went so far as to say that we were being unfair. This is the same woman who has been very free with her disapproving opinion of me for months.
This month on the ninth I turned 62 years old. I had additional expenses with a tag renewal, insurance renewal, and glasses for my daughter. I asked the pastor of a church we were attending if her could help to pay half of my rent and I was willing to work it off. He said he had to make a few calls and call me back. He called me back in 4 minutes (after calling the wicked property manager) saying that he refused to help me because my financial problems were "a way of life" for me. He even refused to Pray for me!
My twenty one year old car needs a starter, battery, fan motor, tire repair, tires, more brake work, etc.
I have to pay property insurance on my 35 year old mobile home @ $100.00 and repairs as they crop up.
So what is God trying to tell me? After a horribly abusive childhood, two horribly abusive marriages, singlehandedly raising my children in poverty, working hard only to lose my 401k in the economic crash, getting breast cancer and not being able to work, and becoming homeless because I had no more money to pay my rent. I followed God's lead and moved 1,700 mile to a place I have never been nor know anyone. By Faith. So here I am. Over my head in expenses and constantly being attacked by "Christians", the lying property manager, injuries which were no fault of mine, and any one and/or circumstance which is beyond my control. For YEARS I have begged God to deliver me from the burden/spirit of poverty. I live and walk in Faith. I Pray, study His Word, and gladly serve Him with an open heart. I didn't deserve the abusive childhood and marriages no more than I deserve the poverty, cancer crippling arthritis, spinal disease, gossip, lies, and all the other crap I am forced to bear. The Bible tells me that God promises me an abundant life. Abundant with what? It also tells me that God's people will prosper. Really? Well, if that is true, then apparently I am NOT a child of God and/or He hates me. In that case, I am truly, truly sorry for misleading every last one of you. I am in a very dark place right now and have to figure out how (or if) I should handle this. I feel that God refuses to deliver me and I am just waiting on my death. Please forgive me.
