Second Entry

I am too old for this.  Moving nearly killed me.  OK so I just felt like I was dying, but it was the hardest move I have ever made.  Thanks to a very dear friend, I have a place to stay until my SS $ comes in.  My daughter is taking this move very hard as well.  We are very close and we have rarely been apart.  She will be staying with friends a few days a week and here with me the rest of the time so its not so bad.   She showed me a black soft plastic bracelet in her wrist.  She said it was because she is in mourning because we are technically homeless.  I nearly cried.  Instead, I asked her if she had another one and I would wear one as well.  We both are in mourning.  So many people take for granted that they have a home, a yard, a car, a steady income.   Here I am at almost 61 years of age, struggled through poverty raising my kids alone in poverty and thinking if I get a college degree, I will never be poor again.  HA!  I have learned the hard way that the American caste system is alive and well.  Will I always be an untouchable?  It seems that no matter how hard I try, I will always be poor.  Now I have the education - no job - and student loan debt out the whazoo.  How dare I dream of a brighter future!  Churches disdain me because I have some serious problem taking care of my basic needs (housing, food, clothing, etc.) so I am a burden instead of a tithing member.  Because of some horrible treatment ( lies, shunning, refusal to comfort me in my time of serious, life threatening illnesses and financial despair)  I received from a mega wealthy local church, I have officially lost my religion, but NOT my Faith.  My only solace in this abyss of misery I am experiencing is my Faith that God will not let me down.  After all, He is my loving Father, right?  I just can't wrap my tiny little brain around whatever His purpose is with all this hardship I have been burdened with.  I am far from perfect, but have overcome a horribly abusive childhood and marriage, I don't smoke, drink, gamble, or squander my money, and always pray and try to be a good and honorable person.  I don't ask for much and have always worked very hard at my endeavors.  I wanted a better life for my children.  When I was young, I never, ever thought I would be homeless at 60.  Many times I wonder why.  What was the purpose for my miserable life?  This is my last attempt in life to keep my chin up, focus on the positive (ha), and hope that my remaining few years are free of this torment.  Stay tuned as this developing story unfolds before your very eyes.  I am baring my soul to you.