Third Entry

I know a pessimist who once told me that it is better being a pessimist than an optimist because if things don't go the way you'd hoped, you won't be disappointed.  I wish I could be a pessimist.  Instead, I am just a depressed optimist clinging onto my last good hope. 
My daughter had to be hospitalized for the past 2 days because of a bad infection called cellulitis.  It has been a recurring problem she has been dealing with for the past few months.  I had it in 2009 and spent a week in the hospital.  She got out today and is staying with me at my friend's.  She said she wished she could go home, but yeah, we don't have one!  We can't do the Dorothy thing and click our heels together and say: "There's no place like home".  Still, I am grateful she is getting better and hope this is over.  I have always been proud that I was strong physically, mentally, and Spiritually.  Since the cancer, I have been tired and forgetful.  I will always strive to be more Spiritual than the day before and optimistically hope things will get better.  Aware that I am totally in God's Hands, I feel weak and confused about my unfortunate (ha!) circumstances in life.  I am old, sick, and very tired.  As the burden gets heavier every day, my resilience diminishes.  Since the mastectomy, a subsequent benign tumor, and the loss of two of my friends who were "cancer survivors", I feel like I am waiting for the other shoe to drop.  Am I becoming a pessimist?  Should I?