My health has been keeping me down a lot lately. I have been suffering from several of the side effects from my cancer medication. The worst problems are dizziness (I fall) and memory (I forget sometimes). I try to counteract the side effects with vitamins, and doing mind exercise games like crosswords, word search, word scramble, Sudoku etc. I don't like to let people know just how bad things are in hopes they really won't be so. My health is something that is a concern for me because I am so used to being strong and resilient. Now I am not.
Compounding my health woes is poverty. I am so tired of it! Since September I have been running in a wheel like a hamster, to get food stamps. I have had seven (yes, 7) workers and still have not straightened things out. So far, I will get $148.00 for food on or around December 6th. Until then, we have no milk, no eggs, no bread, no sugar, no coffee, and a sparse amount of food. We would not have had a Thanksgiving dinner if it weren't for a food basket from a local church. Needless to say, I have to deal with that stress as well.
I put up an index card by the mailboxes here to see if anyone could donate 2 queen size beds, a dresser, a small microwave, and some bedding and throw rugs. I also can no longer drive my car because I cannot afford insurance, title transfer to this state, and tags.
Moreover, the US Department of Education got their wires crossed and are double dipping every month on my Student loan payments. They deduct their double payments from my SS Disability checks leaving me with only $750.00 each month to survive. My lot rent is $472.00 per month. That leaves me $278.00 to pay my utilities, insurance, co-pays, medications, laundry mat, travel costs, taxables (like soap & tp), and whatever other cost that just pops up. More stress to deal with!
I Pray to God to be delivered from the burden of poverty. I am old, sick, tired, & poor. My Faith has been pushed to the max and I am totally dependent on my Father, Savior, and Holy Spirit to help me survive this life while I'm here. Does it have to be so hard?
I keep pretending everything is fine so I don't freak out and get bogged down in that dark place. I don't want to wallow in my misery. That would detract from my testimony. But it is hard to testify when you need so much and have so little. Is it Satan giving me such a hard time? Is it God punishing me for something?
Your Faithful Prayers are what is keeping me going. I try to be strong, but sometimes it is hard. Especially now with my daughter's birthday on 12/2 and Christmas coming up and not being able to even pay my bills. Keep praying, I need your help and God's kindness to get me through these hardships. I want to be free of the heavy burdens and soar in the Spirit. Pray, Pray, Pray. I ask God to Bless every one of you.
